Sunday, February 22, 2009

Cat Appreciation and Humor

This morning when I took my bath, my cat Isis joined me and took catnaps - alternately napping and purring - behind my head while I relaxed in the tub. And a couple of times she got up to play with the water, dipping a tentative paw in the water, and then shaking it off, or drinking by scooping the water and licking it off her “hands.” It was wonderful having her company there. So today I’m grateful for cats. Here are a couple of my favorite writings about cats – a poem and a humor piece.

Landlocked in Fur

I was meditating with my cat the other day
and all of a sudden she shouted,
"What happened?"
I knew exactly what she meant,
but encouraged her to say more -
feeling that if she got it all out on the table
she would sleep better that night.
So I responded, "Tell me more, dear,"
and she soulfully meowed,
"Well, I was mingled with the sky.
I was comets whizzing here and there.
I was suns in heat, hell - I was galaxies.
But now look - I am landlocked in fur."
To this I said,
"I know exactly what you mean."
What to say about conversation
between mystics ?

~Tukaram, from Love Poems From God
Giving A Cat a Pill
1 - Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.
2 - Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3 - Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4 - Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5 - Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6 - Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold from and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while placing wooden tongue depressor into mouth. Drop in pill and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7 - Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered ceramic figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 - Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, open mouth with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9 - Check label to make sure pill was not harmful to humans, drink a glass of water to take taste away. Apply bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10 - Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving head showing. Open mouth with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11 - Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
12 - Ring fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13 - Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small wedge. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14 - Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from eye. Stop at furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15 - Kick yourself for not adopting a hamster!

~Author unknown to me.

Grateful Woman Shakura MoonSinger and Isis
"Cats and computers. Bring them into your home and your life is no longer your own!" ~Author Unknown

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